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Note: Answers are arranged in an order determined by the owner of the
page and do not necessarily reflect any semblance of reality. Thank
you for your support.
110) A support group for people who won't admit they might need to go to a
109) Fingernail polish for teeth.
108) Vibrating dentists' chairs.
107) Cordless extension cords.
106) Freeze dried water.
105) Toilet shaped tupperware.
104) Toilet shaped anything.
103) Glare-free mirrors.
102) Self destructing fortune cookie messages.
101) Sardines on a stick.
100) Subtitles for a movie from England, explaining terms like "lorry,"
99) Your mom.
98) Glue flavored toothpaste.
97) A three year old collection of belly-button lint that has developed intelligence while
attemtping to free itself from the jellybean-scented tupperware container in which it has
96) Fake cubic zirconium.
95) Soft music to encourage reluctant endangered species to breed in captivity.
94) Seashell collections. (No matter how big or how rare, it still won't sell.)
93) Odor eater pads that attach to the area of a shirt touching the armpit.
92) Finger shaped kleenex, for when blowing just doesn't do the trick.
91) Anything associated with Rush Limbaugh. (Oh, well, some things just can't be explained.)
90) Instant baldness creating treatments.
89) Reversible glasses.
88) Do-it-at-home brain tumor removal kits.
87) Wood on a stick.
86) A spelling checker that not only corrects but also teaches, by sending
an electric current through the keyboard every time a mistake is made.
85) BLT pizza.
84) Re-usable toilet paper.
83) Beer flavored toothpaste.
82) Alligator skin lined pajamas.
81) Calculators written in Sanskrit.
80) Lotion that makes you paler if you go out and sit in the sun.
79) Drawsting condoms.
78) Backpacks for your head, that fit like jumbo baseball caps.
77) Silk shirts that change color if they get wet.
76) Gold-plated rubies.
75) A trans-world railroad.
74) Speech therapists for dogs. (So they can get rid of that awkward
stutter in their bark.)
73) No-stick velcro.
72) Clothes made from 100% duct tape. (It won't sell, but I'm tempted to
make myself a jacket. I guess I just have a thing for that stuff.)
71) Non-erasable pencils.
70) Weighted clothes tht allow you to get your exercise and improve both
tone and muscle as you go about your daily business.
69) Waterproof sponges.
68) A book of 1001 excuses for not going into work on Monday mornings.
67) Solar-powered infrared binoculars.
66) Bulletproof food.
65) Jumprope sized for toddlers.
64) Recipes for boiling water.
63) A book of 1001 quotations that don't make sense when you take them out
62) Magnetic suits, so you can stick them on your fridge if you don't have
a hanger. (Comes with free credit card inside front pocket!)
61) Memory books to pass around to your friends and have them write
down the stupidest thing they've ever seen you do.
60) Car doors that unlock at the sound of clapping.
59) Scented earrings (so you don't have to worry about the perfume or
cologne washing off. Actually, that might almost be a good idea.)
58) Low-chairs and accompanying low-tables for families with babies who
keep trying to jump out of their high chairs. (Alternate solution:
velcro high-chairs and baby clothes, to keep them put.)
57) Earrings with clips to hold writing utensils, spare change, small notes.
56) Condensed spam.
55) Disposable shirts covered in post-its. You throw away the shirt when
you run out of pieces of post-it.
54) Rope on a rope.
53) Swiss army houses. (The pocket knives are so cool...)
52) Something that tastes as bad as beer but doesn't even get you drunk.
(Oh, wait...wrong again.)
51) Carbonated eggnog.
50) Aging pills that make you 10 years older per tablet.
49) Sugar-coated insulin tablets.
48) Voice-activated soap dispensers. (So you don't actually have to touch
the ones in public restrooms.)
47) A book entitled "How to Read."
46) A line of dolls and stuffed animals, all of which are strapped into
little plush electric chairs.
45) "Old Yeller" the sequel: "Yeller in Heaven."
44) Cubit long measuring sticks.
43) Windows '96.
42) A time-lapse video of a clock.
41) A 64-crayon "Shades of Brick" Crayola expansion.
40) Tandem motorcycles.
39) Wireless, rechargeable blenders.
38) "The Charlie Brown Athiest Pageant for No Particular Special Reason."
37) Magnetic labels for floppy disks (so you can stick them on your
36) Serrated forks, so you don't need a knife to cut your steak.
35) Disposable glasses (like disposable contacts.)
34) Coke-flavored snapple.
More to come.
27) Offering to do a strip tease for anyone who comes up with number 27.
26) Surgical velcro, used to reattach limbs and seal incisions.
2) The brain of the person who put so much effort into something as silly as this list.
1) A book of the top 100 innovative ideas that won't sell.
Special thanks to Joshua Kempner for suggestions 34-37.
As a shameful confession, I've received probably a few dozen suggestions from avid readers but never gotten around to incorporating them. The management regrets this lapse but after ten years isn't likely to remedy it.